About And I'm home
Image source: https://wiki.puella-magi.net/And_I%27m_Home#/media/File:Madoka_BD_5_Menu_Art_2.jpg.
You might have seen the two girls in the thumbnail. You might have not.
You might have heard about a song called And I’m home. You might have not.
Either way, it doesn’t matter.
Because I’m here to tell you everything that makes this song so bloody beautiful.
In the thumbnail, the girl in red is Sakura Kyouko, and the girl in blue is Miki Sayaka.
Kyouko is abrasive and selfish. She lacks any sense of justice, only doing everything for herself. She earned Sayaka’s disdain from the very first time they met. Yet, when Sayaka was hurt, Kyouko went out of her way to care for Sayaka, even when she didn’t do it in the best way. Kyouko was willing to do anything to save Sayaka.
Kyouko is caring and understanding. She cared a lot for her family. She once made a wish for the sake of her family. But that wish took her family away from her. The young girl tried to cope with her reality, and began to do everything for herself. She believed that a wish for someone else only leads to misfortune. But her kind self never really disappeared. It was just buried deep in her heart.
In the end, Kyouko decided to stay by Sayaka’s side, so that Sayaka wouldn’t be lonely anymore. Because more than anyone, Kyouko knew what it felt like to be lonely. Sayaka had always suffered from being unreciprocated, and so Kyouko wished to remain by her side.
Deep down, Kyouko is a fragile girl.
Sayaka is kind and courageous. She has a strong sense of justice and a strong devotion to her friends, willing to work hard for others. She wants to make everyone happy. Yet, the more she devoted to others, the more she came to loathe herself. Sayaka was willing to suffer on her own.
Sayaka is careless and ignorant. She never cared for herself and relied on other people returning her feelings. But the boy she loved was oblivious to her sacrifices for him. The young girl fell into despair and destroyed herself. It took someone else sacrificing everything to save her, so that she could learn to love herself again. To open herself to someone else and to rely on someone else. To care for someone else again, and to love someone else again.
“I thought I didn’t have any regrets when I died. But the reason I ended up taking this assignment and coming back, was because I actually do have one regret. The fact that I left you behind.”
In the end, Sayaka went back to stay by Kyouko’s side, so that Kyouko wouldn’t be lonely anymore. Because more than anyone, Sayaka knew how lonely Kyouko was. Everyone in Kyouko’s life had always left her behind, and so Sayaka wished to remain by her side.
Deep down, Sayaka is a fragile girl.
That, is what this song is about.
It isn’t about two magical girls who shared a terrible fate.
It’s about two girls who found each other and tried to protect each other from their own insecurities.
So, how did the lyrics express that?
First, please read through the lyrics here if you haven’t already.
Done reading? Now I shall walk you through the important lyrics in each verse.
Verse 1
I’m searching for the face who will say “see you again”, I’ll just be doing it over and over again.
Kyouko will do anything to make Sayaka happy again.
If you would only notice that right there; was a figure from behind crying all on its own.
Sayaka admits her own insecurity to Kyouko.
It was a rough place, and a lonely one, but we joined our hands.
They decide to stay by each other’s side, in spite of the cruel world.
No matter how many times you feel that way, there will always be warmth here.
Even if it was a mistake, I don't care, I'll always be by your side.
Even if you hate yourself, I will always be here for you.
Verse 2
When the bluff of false courage in my voice began to falter, the dream began to end.
Holding my knees, when my vision fades, I know I'll quickly collapse.
Sayaka admits her own insecurity to Kyouko.
If it stays like this, if it stays like this, the two of us will have to rush to the only furthest exit.
Kyouko will do anything to make Sayaka happy again.
With a simple and innocent face, let's embrace our disheveled feelings.
Even this place where we've lost ourselves feels so gentle.
They decide to stay by each other’s side, in spite of the cruel world.
I'll keep calling your name no matter how many times, even if the future is uncertain.
It's hard to say goodbye, it hurts every time I think of you.
No matter what happens, I just want to stay by your side.
Ending
I'm right here.
I'm right here.
Please come back and be with me.
A call from the depth of her heart, calling for her significant other to stay by her side.
The lyrics are indeed beautiful. But what about the melody?
Have you ever experienced that feeling where you feel overflowing happiness because you have been through so much pain and suffering? That you feel so happy you want to cry your heart out?
That is precisely what the melody brings to this song.
The two singers (also the voice actors for Kyouko and Sayaka) did a beautiful job at conveying all those raw emotions, especially on the lyrics that I highlighted above. All the strongest emotions went into those lines. Those lyrics only became so much more powerful.
Last but not least, the backing track. The composer made very strong use of guitar notes that are both high-pitched and dissonant, to further emphasize the disheveled emotions of the two girls. The backing track plays throughout the entirety of the song, and the subconsciouness just simply picks up all of those dishevelved emotions.
You listen to the melody. You learn the lyrics. But your heart automatically feels all of those emotions, and engraves them into your mind.
At least, that was my personal experience.
I only had to listen to this song once to grant myself a severely unhealthy obsession with it.
This is not an ED song for an anime episode.
This is a love song. One of the most beautiful love songs there is.
Not a single word of “love” was uttered.
And yet.
All that existed within the song, was love.